Interrupt Your Heartbreak Cycle.
When attachment history hijacks intimacy, reactivity overrides choice. Closeness triggers what closeness once cost you. Learning to step out of that pattern means you no longer have to choose between yourself and the relationship. Living trapped in this double-bind is heartbreaking. Relational healing begins here.
Secure
Attachment
Emotional
Availability
Heartbreak
Resilience
Are you secure within yourself?
Freedom in relationships means being close to others without automatically adjusting who you are. It means you can be yourself with an uncompromising presence.
The Power of Awareness.
People learn to disappear in relationships in order to stay connected. It is an ironic adaptation that begins in childhood and repeats in adult intimacy. I know this because I lived it.
I spent years losing myself in relationships. I picked partners who could not see me and then blamed myself when I felt invisible. When relationships ended, I did not just grieve. I came undone. My sense of self collapsed because I had built it around someone else. Heartbreak became a way of life.
I had to grapple with this before anything changed. I had to discover the attachment wounds underneath my patterns and understand why I kept choosing unavailability and calling it love. That reckoning is why I became a therapist. Not because I had answers, but because I needed them.
Today, I sit with people navigating the same territory. I help them heal their attachment wounds. I help them find themselves.
The Power of Presence.
I worked with a skillfully attuned therapist years ago who saw what I could not see in myself. Since he used activities and movement in our sessions, one day, he asked me to play a simple game of hide and seek. Sounds strange, right?
I leapt off the couch and hid underneath his kitchen table. When he found me, he got down on his hands and knees and said, "I see you, Alan. You are found." Even though the childish game felt odd, his sincerity didn't. He was compassionate and kind. He understood intuitively that my deepest hurt was about not being seen, and he created a moment where that could begin to change.
The people who find their way to me carry something similar. They have spent years wondering why connection feels so hard, quietly struggling beneath successful exteriors while knowing something essential is missing. Usually, they are people who recognize their own experiences in descriptions of attachment trauma, emotional neglect, limerence, and unrequited love
They carry more emptiness and loneliness than they let on. Intellectually, they understand the pattern. Emotionally, they are still caught in it. Many have tolerated crumbs of affection for so long that believing their needs matter feels foreign. And underneath it all, there is a longing to be seen and found
That longing led me to find my own therapist years ago. Now it leads others to me.
I help clients focus on the beliefs and behaviors that need attention.
Disappearing
"When we abandon ourselves..."
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Identity Loss
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Affection Scarcity
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Needs Suppression
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Self-Worth Doubt
Distorting
"When we ignore reality..."
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Intimacy Anxiety
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Inflated Romance
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Misplaced Loyalty
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Rescuer Mentality
Doubting
"When we feel unsafe..."
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Rejection Sensitivity
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Uncertainty Intolerance
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Emotional Reactivity
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Trust Difficulty
I help you nurture a deeper awareness of knowing yourself.
Developing self-attunement has been the focus of my work for over two decades. If you are ready to feel more secure within yourself, let's explore how we get you there.
What I Believe.
I'm Alan Robarge, Psychotherapist and Relationship Educator, and after 23 years of working with clients, this is what I have learned.
I believe showing genuine curiosity for another person's inner world, heals attachment wounds formed in childhood. I believe the message is in the mess, relief is in the grief, and the process itself is the path. I also believe healing is art, not work, which means maturing is a creative process.
I built my counseling practice around these core convictions: what you feel matters, the unsaid can be spoken, and being deeply seen by another person restores what was once lost long ago. These are not ideas I borrowed or read in a book. They came from sitting across from clients who made them true.
Ultimately, I believe your healing is my healing and my healing is your healing. We all benefit from each other's efforts to transform personal heartbreak into our collective wholeness. In that sense, we evolve together. It's relational.
Working Together:
Frequently Asked Questions.
Working w/ Long-Term Clients.
For over two decades, I've offered Relationship Education and Counseling to people wherever they live. While locations vary, the patterns we address don't. Healing attachment wounds is universal.
The clients I work with come from around the globe and mostly reside in metropolitan areas. Some live in smaller college towns or less urban locations. US emigrants living abroad and between cultures have also become clients.
I've worked with professionals, parents, creatives, and couples living in London, Paris, and Dubai. I've worked with clients from most major US cities, such as Chicago, Houston, New York, and Denver.
"I spent a lot of time denying what I was feeling. It just felt too messy to feel. One day, I couldn't ignore myself any longer. I learned to slow things down. Instead of feeling anxious or checking out, I practice pausing like you taught me. I finally feel my feelings after fifty years of ignoring them. Thank you."
4.5 Years / London, UK
"Alan, I used to get stuck in my head, beating myself up when feeling shame. It was a lonely place to be. You told me to reverse the aggression, act like a friend. Not easy, but I swear I hear your voice in my mind sometimes encouraging me. This self-kindness thing really works. lol. Thank you for caring."
8 Years / Chicago
"I carried a heavy heart and never understood why. Working together showed me a level of depth I didn't know I needed. It allowed me to start grieving things I had no idea were even there, finally looking at the buried losses. It changed how I see myself and future. Heart is less heavy. Thanks."
5 Years / Amsterdam
Get Your Copy
The 43-Page Finding Yourself Workbook.
The workbook complements my YouTube video "Stuck, Triggered, & Crushed? How Therapy Helps Us Heal the False Self and Find Our True Identity." It's a companion learning tool, helping you work towards greater self-acceptance. Sign up to receive the workbook.
As Seen On YouTube
9+ Million Total Views
140K Subscribers
23 Years LPC Private Practice
Licensed Professional Counselor
Psychology Counseling
