| DEPRESSION FALLOUT DISCUSSION GROUP SUPPORT FOR THE PARTNER OF A DEPRESSED PERSON |
Depression Fallout
DEPRESSION FALLOUT is the title of a book by Anne Sheffield. The book
defines stages of struggle within a relationship when one partner is depressed.
Written about the non-depressed person’s experience, the book documents the
illogical confusion, self-blame, loss of self, and extreme frustration that result
when depression goes undiagnosed.
Anne writes, “Loving and living with a depressed person, whether or not he or she
is in treatment, drains energy and self-esteem.” She continues, “When previously
attentive, warm, demonstrative partners turn irritable, distant, and thoughtless,
mates are unlikely to contribute the change to a psychiatric illness.”
Learn more about Depression Fallout and books by Anne Sheffield at
www.depressionfallout.com.
defines stages of struggle within a relationship when one partner is depressed.
Written about the non-depressed person’s experience, the book documents the
illogical confusion, self-blame, loss of self, and extreme frustration that result
when depression goes undiagnosed.
Anne writes, “Loving and living with a depressed person, whether or not he or she
is in treatment, drains energy and self-esteem.” She continues, “When previously
attentive, warm, demonstrative partners turn irritable, distant, and thoughtless,
mates are unlikely to contribute the change to a psychiatric illness.”
Learn more about Depression Fallout and books by Anne Sheffield at
www.depressionfallout.com.
DISCUSSION GROUP DETAILS
The Depression Fallout Discussion Group explores the stages and symptoms
associated with Fallout. We look at healthy and unhealthy ways of relating and
identify how depression complicates intimacy. We strategize about preserving the
bonds of love, setting better boundaries, and tapping personal resources of joy.
When relationships end, we offer grief support.
The Depression Fallout Discussion Group explores the stages and symptoms
associated with Fallout. We look at healthy and unhealthy ways of relating and
identify how depression complicates intimacy. We strategize about preserving the
bonds of love, setting better boundaries, and tapping personal resources of joy.
When relationships end, we offer grief support.
PROGRAM FORMAT
The Discussion Group meets weekly for 3 weeks and then breaks on week 4. A
monthly commitment of 3 sessions is required for participation.
COST AND REGISTRATION
Cost to participate is $25 per group meeting. Since there is a monthly
commitment of 3 sessions to participate, the total of $75 is due at the beginning
of each month. There are no refunds for missed group meetings.
For more information about date, times, and location, please contact Alan
Robarge at alan@alanrobarge.com or by calling 303.571.9392
The Discussion Group meets weekly for 3 weeks and then breaks on week 4. A
monthly commitment of 3 sessions is required for participation.
COST AND REGISTRATION
Cost to participate is $25 per group meeting. Since there is a monthly
commitment of 3 sessions to participate, the total of $75 is due at the beginning
of each month. There are no refunds for missed group meetings.
For more information about date, times, and location, please contact Alan
Robarge at alan@alanrobarge.com or by calling 303.571.9392
RELATIONSHIP
CHALLENGES
Power Struggles
Trust and Safety
Testing and Risk-Taking
Hiding and Revealing
Anger and Conflict
Dependency
Enmeshment
Differentiation
Boundaries
Trauma and Wounds
Belief Systems
Rhythms of Relating
Communication Styles
Vulnerability and Intimacy
Closeness and Distance
Sensitivity and Affection
Disappointment and Grieving
Relationship Equilibrium
Energy Systems
CHALLENGES
Power Struggles
Trust and Safety
Testing and Risk-Taking
Hiding and Revealing
Anger and Conflict
Dependency
Enmeshment
Differentiation
Boundaries
Trauma and Wounds
Belief Systems
Rhythms of Relating
Communication Styles
Vulnerability and Intimacy
Closeness and Distance
Sensitivity and Affection
Disappointment and Grieving
Relationship Equilibrium
Energy Systems
Is your partner’s
depression affecting you?
Are you feeling frustrated
or exhausted?
Is your sense of self or
spirit diminished?
depression affecting you?
Are you feeling frustrated
or exhausted?
Is your sense of self or
spirit diminished?
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"The way (s)he is behaving has nothing to do with you personally. Somehow this illness creates an astonishing self-centeredness and lack of empathy for others, especially loved ones. It still hurts terribly to be on the receiving end." Excerpt from Depression Fallout by Anne Sheffield |
Alan Robarge, MA
RELATE COUNSELING
Psychotherapy
Denver, CO 80206
303.571.9392
alan@alanrobarge.com
www.alanrobarge.com
RELATE COUNSELING
Psychotherapy
Denver, CO 80206
303.571.9392
alan@alanrobarge.com
www.alanrobarge.com
Sarah is at the end of her rope. She feels stuck and unable to make sense of her
relationship with Joe. She reports, “He used to be talkative and available. Now he
avoids me or acts disinterested.” Mostly, she reflects on the changes within herself –
the extreme frustration, self-blame, and overwhelm. She wonders, “Why am I so
irritable all of the time? How did our relationship become a constant struggle? Where
is the Joe I fell in love with?” It turns out that Joe suffers from depression and Sarah is
experiencing Depression Fallout, a term coined by author Anne Sheffield.
Depression affects not only the one who is depressed; it also affects those in
relationship with that person. When a partner, spouse, or parent is depressed,
connecting with the depressed loved one can feel like a never-ending struggle. When
depression goes undiagnosed or untreated, relationships can suffer and often
deteriorate. The degree to which a relationship deteriorates depends on the type of
depression, range of symptoms, other mental health issues present, and the
willingness of both individuals to seek help.
Sarah noticed a gradual change three years ago in her relationship with Joe. She
assumed the change was normal and that all couples encountered difficult periods.
She tried to engage Joe in conversations, however over time, observed him becoming
less communicative and even critical. She witnessed him undergoing a Dr. Jekyll and
Mr. Hyde personality change, behaving differently in public compared to when at home.
She found it crazy-making to track Joe’s erratic responses – his ups and downs,
especially when they resulted in rejecting her.
Depression greatly reduces a person’s ability to relate or show affection – physically
and emotionally. The non-depressed partner finds her depressed partner’s on-
again/off-again affections incongruent, resulting in extreme frustration and confusion.
Sometimes Joe would declare out of the blue, “I don’t think I am capable of being in a
relationship and perhaps we should just split up.” When Sarah finally got the courage
to ask him about the lack of sex in the relationship, Joe responded, “I am not attracted
to you any more and don’t feel sexual anyway.”
Most likely, depression is not solely responsible for creating Sarah and Joe’s struggle.
It does however obscure, compound, and exaggerate relationship conflicts already
present, making it nearly impossible to resolve them. Depression complicates
intimacy, triggering fears about security, trust, and commitment. It is confusing and
painful to observe a once-vibrant and engaged partner retreat into emotional
unavailability or guardedness.
A common reaction to a depressed partner’s erratic attempts at intimacy is self-blame.
Sarah remembers, “No matter if I was relentlessly demanding or kept my distance for
weeks, nothing I offered to improve the situation worked. I started thinking there must
be something wrong with me.” One reason why self-blame is so common is that it
temporarily creates a sense of control in an out-of-control situation. If the depression
continues, the non-depressed partner stops expecting to get her needs met within the
relationship, resigning herself to being unfulfilled. It is this very resignation to stay in
relationship unfulfilled that marks the loss of one’s self or spirit. The loss of self results
in feeling helpless, apathetic, and ambivalent about the relationship’s future.
Again Sarah recounts, “I was physically exhausted and angry. I no longer felt like
myself. I felt dead inside.” It is possible that non-depressed partners like Sarah are
mirroring the same apathetic inner scarcity that the depressed partners are feeling,
evidencing depression-like symptoms themselves. Depression Fallout sufferers report
feeling painfully stuck in their relationships, disempowered, and sad. Eventually, Sarah
decided to leave Joe and seek counseling.
Not all relationships end like Sarah’s did. Since treatment never offers one easy
solution, finding the right strategy to preserve the bonds of love can be challenging. The
non-depressed person is best off focusing on self-care, setting better boundaries, and
tapping personal resources of joy. Finding a community support network or group can
help illuminate relationship dynamics, depressive cycles, and signs of Depression
Fallout. Although it is tempting to blame the other person for being depressed,
remember that depression is a biological disease and brings great pain to all
its sufferers.
relationship with Joe. She reports, “He used to be talkative and available. Now he
avoids me or acts disinterested.” Mostly, she reflects on the changes within herself –
the extreme frustration, self-blame, and overwhelm. She wonders, “Why am I so
irritable all of the time? How did our relationship become a constant struggle? Where
is the Joe I fell in love with?” It turns out that Joe suffers from depression and Sarah is
experiencing Depression Fallout, a term coined by author Anne Sheffield.
Depression affects not only the one who is depressed; it also affects those in
relationship with that person. When a partner, spouse, or parent is depressed,
connecting with the depressed loved one can feel like a never-ending struggle. When
depression goes undiagnosed or untreated, relationships can suffer and often
deteriorate. The degree to which a relationship deteriorates depends on the type of
depression, range of symptoms, other mental health issues present, and the
willingness of both individuals to seek help.
Sarah noticed a gradual change three years ago in her relationship with Joe. She
assumed the change was normal and that all couples encountered difficult periods.
She tried to engage Joe in conversations, however over time, observed him becoming
less communicative and even critical. She witnessed him undergoing a Dr. Jekyll and
Mr. Hyde personality change, behaving differently in public compared to when at home.
She found it crazy-making to track Joe’s erratic responses – his ups and downs,
especially when they resulted in rejecting her.
Depression greatly reduces a person’s ability to relate or show affection – physically
and emotionally. The non-depressed partner finds her depressed partner’s on-
again/off-again affections incongruent, resulting in extreme frustration and confusion.
Sometimes Joe would declare out of the blue, “I don’t think I am capable of being in a
relationship and perhaps we should just split up.” When Sarah finally got the courage
to ask him about the lack of sex in the relationship, Joe responded, “I am not attracted
to you any more and don’t feel sexual anyway.”
Most likely, depression is not solely responsible for creating Sarah and Joe’s struggle.
It does however obscure, compound, and exaggerate relationship conflicts already
present, making it nearly impossible to resolve them. Depression complicates
intimacy, triggering fears about security, trust, and commitment. It is confusing and
painful to observe a once-vibrant and engaged partner retreat into emotional
unavailability or guardedness.
A common reaction to a depressed partner’s erratic attempts at intimacy is self-blame.
Sarah remembers, “No matter if I was relentlessly demanding or kept my distance for
weeks, nothing I offered to improve the situation worked. I started thinking there must
be something wrong with me.” One reason why self-blame is so common is that it
temporarily creates a sense of control in an out-of-control situation. If the depression
continues, the non-depressed partner stops expecting to get her needs met within the
relationship, resigning herself to being unfulfilled. It is this very resignation to stay in
relationship unfulfilled that marks the loss of one’s self or spirit. The loss of self results
in feeling helpless, apathetic, and ambivalent about the relationship’s future.
Again Sarah recounts, “I was physically exhausted and angry. I no longer felt like
myself. I felt dead inside.” It is possible that non-depressed partners like Sarah are
mirroring the same apathetic inner scarcity that the depressed partners are feeling,
evidencing depression-like symptoms themselves. Depression Fallout sufferers report
feeling painfully stuck in their relationships, disempowered, and sad. Eventually, Sarah
decided to leave Joe and seek counseling.
Not all relationships end like Sarah’s did. Since treatment never offers one easy
solution, finding the right strategy to preserve the bonds of love can be challenging. The
non-depressed person is best off focusing on self-care, setting better boundaries, and
tapping personal resources of joy. Finding a community support network or group can
help illuminate relationship dynamics, depressive cycles, and signs of Depression
Fallout. Although it is tempting to blame the other person for being depressed,
remember that depression is a biological disease and brings great pain to all
its sufferers.
| DEPRESSION AND RELATIONSHIPS: SUPPORT FOR THE NON-DEPRESSED PARTNER |
Psychotherapy and Counseling in Denver, Colorado provided by Alan Robarge, Psychotherapist, at Relate Counseling for Adults exploring
Relationship, Depression, Depression Fallout, Grief and Loss, Trauma, Abuse, EMDR, Transition, Shame, Loneliness, Self-worth, Work, and Career.
Relationship, Depression, Depression Fallout, Grief and Loss, Trauma, Abuse, EMDR, Transition, Shame, Loneliness, Self-worth, Work, and Career.
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DENVER COUNSELING
ALAN ROBARGE, MACP
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DENVER PSYCHOTHERAPY COUNSELING ALAN ROBARGE PSYCHOTHERAPIST EMDR DEPRESSION RELATIONSHIP COUNSELOR
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ALAN ROBARGE, MACP
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DENVER EMDR
DENVER DEPRESSION
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DENVER GRIEF
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GESTALT, GAY RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, DEPRESSION FALLOUT
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